Butterfly Effect

*This fictional post was inspired by the sound of a fly buzzing around in my room late at night.*

October 2019

The fly kept buzzing around my head incessantly. After 3 failed attempts at swatting it away, I let out an exasperated sigh. My friend seated across from me looked up with a concerned look at my dramatic response. We were sprawled across the lush green of her backyard with books, pens and highlighters laid out on a picnic blanket in front of us. We were meant to be studying for our qualifying exams for med school but for the past 30 minutes or she was glued to Instagram, scrolling down the endless explore page.

“That fly is out to get me,” I said in mild frustration as the fly made another attempt to land on my face.

“Maybe it’s trying to tell you something,” She laughed and went back to scrolling. I scrunched up my face and darted away again as the incessant bug made a nose dive for me.

“I don’t even think it’s a fly,” I said distractedly, ignoring my friend’s mocking. I studied the insect closely as it landed on my leg. It had tiny wings that almost looked chrome when the sun hit them directly and it had dull, too-black eyes. It almost looked as if it was meant to look like a fly. I picked up an unopened textbook as slowly as I could and swung at it. I missed again. It was relentless. It circled my arms and as I swatted with the book it deftly evaded the book, landing expertly on the ground before me. I was starting to really get annoyed.

“Dude, let it go,” She looked up from her phone and gave me a weird look as if I was overreacting. I eyed the insect suspiciously one last time and dropped the textbook back onto the floor. I was meant to be studying for my exam on infectious diseases, I picked up the book and the fly landed on it just as I turned the first page. I was about to let out another cry of frustration but I knew my friend would judge me so I opted to stare down the fly. It practically moonwalked across my page and landed on a picture from the 1960’s of a man wearing a mask and holding up a test tube. I tried shutting the book quickly but the fly was quicker. It was gone.

I sat still for 30 seconds and when I didn’t hear anything, I opened the book again and flipped to the section I was meant to be reading. Zoonotic diseases. I had missed the lectures on this topic and kissed my teeth as I saw how long the chapter was. The buzzing came back as soon as I started reading. I felt the anger rising up in me again. This time the fly landed on the word ‘pandemic’, just under the sub-section on the Spanish flu. I swatted it away again but it kept landing back on the same word.

“I see you and your fly are making progress.” I looked up and my friend was holding in a laugh. I realised I had been in an ongoing battle with a fly for the past 5 minutes and she had probably recorded it all on her phone.

“It’s really weird, honestly,” I huffed, “Why isn’t it bothering you?” she shrugged and went back to her Instagram. I narrowed my eyes and stared at the fly, hoping it could sense my bad vibes and decide it was time to leave. Rather, it drew closer and landed on a picture of a bat. It’s buzzing seemed to get louder and as I shut the book again – this time I don’t think it made it out.

I triumphantly opened the book again, sure that I had finally won this battle. I had. The fly was wedged between the two pages. My smile faded as I saw dozens of chrome wires poking out of the fly’s body. A closer look revealed a tiny flickering device on the under belly of the fly.

There was an inscription on it. I used a small stick that was lying nearby to turn it over.

Two numbers were inscribed but I didn’t know what they meant.

03-2020

Teenage Romance – Chapter 2

14 February 2019

Upper six is a lot. A2 Maths has me contemplating dropping out and becoming a rich man’s trophy wife. I mean, wow, it’s only been a month but I am failing to can, what with having to start applying to universities as well. I don’t know where I want to go and I don’t even know what I want to study so that’s not good. I know I love science but I can’t imagine doing equations my entire life but I have no choice because my African parents won’t let me do anything else! I want to go study somewhere romantic, maybe France or Spain, or Italy – do they have universities in the Bahamas? Maybe I’ll find my soul mate there, and that way it won’t matter that I’m in a lab half the day learning about plant cells and photosynthesis. I like the idea of soulmates, that there’s someone out there who you’ll click with immediately because your souls were meant for each other. I don’t believe in soulmates anymore though…or maybe I don’t want to. It makes life complicated. I don’t want to go through life sniffing out a soul mate in every guy I meet. And anyway, if soul mates were real then the guy my soul wants right now would be mine wouldn’t he? Doesn’t my soul know who its soulmate is? I don’t know, this love thing is beyond me and I can’t deal with that right now.

Rufaro sighed as she hurriedly scribbled the last sentence in the page of her diary. A group of guys walked past her and she hugged the book closer to her chest. She was seated on the pavement behind the library building, leaning against the wall and facing the open courtyard where students often came to eat and hang out during free periods. Lately Rufaro spent her free periods like this: her diary in her laps, pouring out her thoughts and feelings onto the pages in front of her before the next lesson began.

She had been avoiding him for weeks now, ever since he had come back and she had foolishly agreed to see him. He had come to her house to pick her up that day and he had looked more handsome than she could imagine – his holiday in America had really done him a lot of good. He was practically glowing. Then again, he had always been able to make her heart do back-flips from the very first time she had seen him one year ago.

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He had been the ‘new guy’ back then, the one with the funny accent because he had studied overseas for half of his life. At first people had made fun of him, as stupid high school kids do, but Rufaro had been drawn to him immediately. It was in the way he had always looked at her, as if he knew all that she tried so hard to hide within herself. It was the way he had sat next to her in the library on his first day of school, held out his hand to introduce himself and in the same breath had told her “Hi, I think you look like you need a new friend”. If any other guy had said that to her she would have rolled her eyes at him and left; but he had said it with innocence and sincerity dripping in his smooth honey-sweet voice. In reality he was the one who needed a friend, being the new guy, but somehow Rufaro had felt that he was right – she needed him to be her friend and so much more.

From that day onwards they were nearly inseparable, largely because they took all of the same subjects. Rufaro had worked hard in her first years of high school to create an image for herself. Soft-spoken but confident, pensive and thoughtful but also outgoing. It had taken her a long time to mould herself into this image that told people ‘she didn’t care what they thought about her’. But within a few months after they had met that day, he had managed to break down her toughest walls. He didn’t even have to try that hard, and this is what baffled Rufaro the most. Whenever they spoke he gave her his undivided attention; he always laughed in all the right places and seemed to never take his eyes off her. Of course, if she were to be honest he was like this with everyone – it’s no wonder he rose in popularity in only a matter of days. But Rufaro always felt more special than everyone else. Maybe it was because he always made it a point to search her out during lunch breaks and talk to her, even just for a few minutes before he went off to his many new found friends. Maybe it was how he shared her music taste and occasionally sent her personalised playlists he had made. Maybe it was the way he casually flirted with other girls, even Rufaro’s friends, but never tried to date any of them – obviously something was stopping him…or someone.

After 6 months of this back and forth, Rufaro had had enough of waiting in the sidelines. How could she, when she knew her feelings were so strong? So on a day when she was working up the nerve to tell him how she felt; he had strolled up to her at lunch time as he always did. He sidled up beside her and flashed a nervous smile at her. Nervous? He was rarely ever nervous. Rufaro gulped, had he somehow found out that she had feelings for him? Her palms started sweating but she managed a genuine smile back at him. This seemed to make him relax and he casually took a chip from her plate and popped it into his mouth as he spoke, “So Valentine’s day is coming up.”

“Yeah,” Rufaro let out a nervous laugh. Oh my gosh! “The made up holiday for increasing flower and chocolate sales.” She managed to roll her eyes for effect but her heart was racing. Was he going to ask her?

He laughed at her cynicism as usual, and took a few more chips from her. He seemed to be stalling and finally, after nearly finishing half off her plate he sighed and spoke up. He spoke slowly and intentionally, “I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to ask Grace to be my valentine.”

Rufaro’s heart froze. Grace? Her friend Grace? Not Rufaro? She was so shocked by this that she didn’t answer and he misinterpreted her silence.

“I know, I know, I’m not usually like this,” he laughed at himself, “I’ve been talking with her for a few weeks now but honestly I’ve been planning to do this for a while now. I didn’t want to jinx it by telling you too early, but I’m finally doing it and I needed your advice.”

Her soul must’ve shattered in that moment. She couldn’t hear it, and she couldn’t see it but she felt a pain in her chest that must’ve translated to some sort of real damage. It was like glass breaking; thousands of tiny shards falling to pieces and each one taking its turn to pierce her chest. At that moment she could no longer believe in soul mates – there was no way her soul mate could make her feel this way.

Now, today was the 14th of February. Their one year anniversary.

Rufaro felt sick to her stomach.